Contact: Nancy Kolsti, [email protected]
Funerals Help Some but Not All Deal with Grief
For years, researchers have believed that outpouring of grief at funerals for someone who has died unexpectedly helps those who were closest to that person, since funerals lessen denial about death.
Two University of North Texas psychologists, however, have discovered that those who lose friends or family members as a result of an accident, murder or suicide view the funeral more negatively and experience less help from it than those whose friends' or family members' deaths were expected.
Drs. Bert Hayslip and Charles Guarnaccia surveyed 438 individuals who had attended the funeral of a family member or friend during the past two years. Ninety percent had attended the funeral within the past year. More than half (265) attended the funeral for someone who had died suddenly via murder, car accidents, heart attacks, suicide or other causes. The other 173 participants lost their loved ones after long illnesses.
"We predicted that funerals would be more important to the survivors of unexpected deaths and that the survivors would therefore participate more in activities surrounding the funeral and view the funeral as meaningful and helpful," Hayslip says. "That was not the case."
Survivors of those whose deaths were anticipated can make funeral arrangements before their loved ones' deaths and usually have support from others in preparing themselves for the death, Hayslip says.
"For those experiencing sudden loss, no specific support systems are available before the death. Individuals dealing with unexpected deaths tend to be in a state of shock, and therefore may be unable to participate in activities that acknowledge the reality of death, such as giving away the dead person's possessions," he says. "In addition, other family members and friends may take on funeral planning responsibilities."
He adds survivors of those who die unexpectedly may assume personal responsibility for the death and become angry or feel guilty, thus viewing the funeral negatively.
"People tend to feel more positive about the funeral if they felt they had less control over the death. You cannot control whether or not a family member will die from cancer, but if a family member commits suicide or dies from a drug overdose. you may ask if you could have helped the person and prevented the death," Hayslip says.
Survivors of those who die from "unpopular" reasons, such as suicide, are often not permitted the same latitude of emotion at funerals as survivors of those who die from "acceptable" deaths, he says.
"We saw a huge outpouring of grief at the death of Princess Diana because she died as a result of an accident she had no control over," he says. "But if she had died as a result of suicide, the funeral would have been a lot different. We didn't see as large of an outpouring of emotion for Kurt Corbain, who committed suicide."
Hayslip and Guarnaccia also discovered the younger participants in the survey, as compared to older participants, believed the funerals they had attended were less meaningful and served them less well.
"We can attribute this to the fact that people who are younger have less experience with death and attending funerals," Hayslip. "In addition, the deaths of younger people are often accidental, while the deaths of older persons are more often due to chronic illness. Younger people may be more likely to attend a funeral of someone who died unexpectedly."
Hayslip and Guarnaccia's research will be published in future issues of Omega: Journal of Death and Dying.
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