Newswise — December is supposed to usher in “the most wonderful time of the year,” but for many families, the holiday season often heaps on a sizeable helping of stress and frustration.
Maintaining a healthy balance of peace and cheer can be especially challenging for stepfamilies, also known as blended families, said Anne Jones, Ph.D., a clinical associate professor at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill School of Social Work.
“For most people, the holidays are about spending time with families and family memories,” said Jones, whose work focuses on couple and family relationships. “Not being able to be with one’s former partner, or spend time in the way one used to as part of a nuclear family or for children to share the holiday with both parents at one time can be very painful.”
In the United States, about 20 percent to 25 percent of children will be part of a stepfamily before they reach age 18. Such statistics suggest that unlike biological nuclear families, stepfamilies must spend a lot more time negotiating and compromising during the holidays, Jones said. The greater the number of people involved, the more complicated the decision making can get.
Potential issues for stepfamilies include where children will spend each holiday and for how long; what activities will take place; and what meals and foods will be prepared and when.
To help deal with such issues, Jones recommended:
• Consider starting new traditions: Holiday family traditions play a significant role during this time of the year, especially for children. For example, deciding when to open gifts or what holidays to celebrate when families have mixed religious traditions can be delicate subjects for newly blended families to tackle. Brainstorming ideas for starting new and different family traditions may help ease the stress, Jones suggested.
“Stepfamilies have to think about what old traditions to preserve and what new ones to create,” she said. “These can be around decorating, baking, socializing or outdoor activities. You just have to keep in mind that expectations can complicate things and that it can be hard for adults to adjust activities and schedules to accommodate everybody.”
• Make a plan, but be flexible: Advanced planning, good communication and added flexibility can assist in making the season more enjoyable, Jones noted.
“That means nailing down schedules and sticking to them as much as possible and working through the small details early, such as transportation arrangements for the children, to avoid misunderstandings, conflicts and crises,” she said. “But you also just really have to be flexible, and I think when there are children involved, you always need to think about them as much as you can and try to be sensitive to their feelings.”
• Set reasonable expectations: While it’s natural to dream about having the perfect holiday, this can be a set up for disappointment and frustration, Jones cautioned.
“Because holidays can be emotional times for both children and adults, it’s important for parents to remember that children may still occasionally feel sad and become irritable or misbehave,” she said. “This is to be expected and often goes with the territory of being in a stepfamily. With these things in mind, try not to over schedule, give children time to decompress as they transition from place to place and make sure that everyone gets the proper amount of rest and down time.”
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