Newswise — This Mother's Day, life is finally looking up for Timona Bridges. The Los Angeles resident and mother of three joined the "sandwich generation" at an early age—just 33—and it was a role increasingly hard to manage. Until just recently, that is, when WISE Senior Services stepped in to lighten the load.
The now 36-year-old wife and mother—three young children and another on the way—has been caring for her ailing mother, Ginny Rose, 86, for several years. Like other members of this "generation," Bridges is caught between the demands of both children and parents. It's been a labor of love and, at the same time, a daunting challenge.
"WISE has given me the direction, the support and the push I needed to get help for my mom and myself," says Bridges, who was adopted as a toddler by middle-age parents. Her father, Thomas, her "hero," died in 2000, leaving the only child to care for Rose, already suffering from Parkinson's disease and dementia. Her mother requires near-constant care and supervision.
But she wouldn't have it any other way, says Bridges, expecting another son this spring.
"My parents took me in when I needed a home, and now it's my turn," she states simply. "I love my mother, but it's been very emotionally and financially draining."
Providing for Rose has proved no easy task. The Bridges left comfortable jobs and lives to return to Bridge's childhood home, a tiny two-bedroom, because Rose was reluctant to leave.
It is tight quarters for a growing family, which includes husband Scott, a salesman and aspiring firefighter; daughters Alyssa, 10, and Brooke, 3; and son Brandon, 8. Bridges was forced to restrict her mom, when not closely supervised, to a renovated workshop after Rose's forgetfulness—doors left open, kitchen mishaps and the like—raised safety concerns in the home.
That was when Bridges turned to WISE for help. She learned about the non-profit organization from her nutritionist, who has helped Bridges through difficult pregnancies complicated by weight gain problems, premature labor and a pregnancy-induced heart condition.
After a preliminary phone call, WISE care manager Bob Rosenblum visited the Bridges-Rose home to talk with the family about their needs and to assess how the agency could help.
"Each case has unique aspects, but Timona's situation was particularly challenging," Rosenblum recalls. "There are young children to care for as well as her mother. Plus she's pregnant, has health problems and has limited financial resources. There's a lot of juggling going on."
Working with the family and gradually winning their confidence, Rosenblum developed, with their input, a care plan to address their needs.
"In this case, the mother was getting really good care from Timona and her family," says Rosenblum, explaining that WISE professional care managers, because of their training, are able to provide a wide range of services tailored to each individual and their circumstances. "Our recommendation was to provide Mrs. Rose with increased opportunities for socialization within a safe environment. This, in turn, would allow Timona time to herself to relax and to see to her own needs."
Rosenblum recommended a number of adult day care programs in the area as well as arranged for WISE to purchase the services of a caregiver to visit the home—at Bridges' discretion—for up to a total of 48 hours.
"It's been wonderful," says Bridges of the caregiver's help. "She helped my mom bathe, fed her lunch, unpacked her belongings from some of the boxes and kept her company."
Bridges has also located an adult day health care program, thanks to WISE, that her mom actually enjoys—her biggest concern.
"She even made a friend the first day!" exclaims Bridges of the facility, whose fees are covered through Medi-Cal.
Bridges has used her unaccustomed-to time off to grocery shop, handle paperwork and take a sorely-needed rest. She anticipates her mother will attend the program—which provides transportation to and from, as well as lunch—two to three times a week, she is hopeful the social interaction and therapeutic activities will bolster Rose's spirits and general sense of well-being.
"If her mother has a good experience, it will help Timona to lessen her feelings of responsibility and guilt," says Rosenblum of the emotions family caregivers commonly face.
Rosenblum and his fellow care managers handle anywhere from 45 to 50 active cases at a time, sometimes keeping contact for years with their clients as needs and circumstances change.
"We try to find whatever services are appropriate to that particular family," explains Rosenblum, adding that it might be Meals on Wheels or financial counseling or safety equipment for the home or any combination of services. There's no one-size-fits-all approach."
The last thing Bridges wants is to put her mother in a nursing home, though she realizes that time may come. With WISE's help, she hopes to delay that eventuality as long as possible. In the meantime, she'll continue to look to WISE for support and guidance.
"Bob is really able to understand how you feel, to support you and to help take some of the guilt and frustration away."
Bridges is quick to admit the strain—and sacrifice—on a young family that lives paycheck to paycheck in an aging house with a collapsing roof and no insulation. She's anxious about the time and attention that must be divided between her mother, the children, her husband and even herself—and fears her efforts may fall short.
"My whole family pays the price but, in the end, I have to live with myself and the decisions I make," says Bridges about her commitment to Rose. "We have so much really—a house, a family—and love gets us through."
WISE Senior Services was founded in 1968 by volunteers and community members to address the needs of the growing senior population in Los Angeles County. WISE provides adult day care at two sites, care management, advocacy services for seniors in skilled nursing and residential care facilities, a Retired Senior Volunteer Program that enables seniors to share their time and skills in the community, and an elder abuse prevention program.
WISE is partially funded by the City of Santa Monica, the City of Los Angeles Department of Aging, the County of Los Angeles Community and Senior Services, through the Older Americans Act of 1965, as amended, the State of California Department of Aging, and the Corporation for National Service. Funding is also provided by numerous corporations, foundations and private donors, for more information about WISE services and programs, please log on to http://www.wiseseniors.org or call 310-394-9871, ext. 440.
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