Newswise — According the United States Justice Department, one in four children is bullied everyday. No longer just "harmless" teasing and taunting on the schoolyard, bullying is part of an escalating school violence problem.
"Parents often feel helpless and don't know where to begin to help their child cope," says Dr. Meline Kevorkian, associate dean of the Master's and Educational Specialist Program at the Fischler School of Education and Human Services at Nova Southeastern University in Fort Lauderdale, Fla. and author of the book, Preventing Bullying: Helping Kids Form Positive Relationships (Roman & Littlefield Education, 2006).
She outlines six ways to help prevent kids from becoming the bully, the victim or a bystander.
Bully Buster #1: Understand Bullying
"Bullying is a pattern of behavior where one child uses physical or mental tactics to belittle another, usually chosen for their vulnerability. The abuse is abrasive and if left unchecked will wear down a child's self-image," she says. "Generally, bullying tends to continually increase through elementary school, peak in the middle school years and taper off in the high school years."
Bully Buster #2: Know Why Kids Are Bullied
"Children may be victimized due to their physical appearance, such as weight or build," she says. "Other children who are quiet, passive, or just stand out to their peers for some reason " even a positive one " may be taunted as well." Of course, sometimes children are bullied because the bullies themselves have a poor self-image and only feel good about themselves when putting down others.
Bully Buster #3: Know the Signs
Kevorkian says that bullied children often suffer from absences, poor grades, violent behavior and low self-esteem. "Children who are experiencing bullying may have certain prominent signs such as trouble sleeping, wanting to stay home from school excessively, and having few friends" she says. "Other signs may be bruising, torn clothes, and nervousness. In other cases, a child might be withdrawn and quiet, avoiding most social interaction."
Bully Buster #4: Model Appropriate Behavior
"We must teach our children that nobody has the right to hurt another person," she says. "Foster behaviors that reduce the risk of raising a bully, victim or bystander. Kindness, acceptance, and appreciation for others must be taught and modeled in the early years. Children learn how to express emotions primarily through social interaction in their families and at school. Set an example of handling conflict and anger."
Bully Buster #5: Talk About It
Parents must make regular school discussions about friends and social issues, advises Kevorkian. "Remember, students are usually reluctant to tell anyone. Follow your instinct and suspicions if you think your child is being bullied in school. Be honest and talk openly with your child about your concerns. You must be an active part of the approach to empower your child to deal with bullies, reduce victimization and rebuild positive feelings."
Bully Buster #6: Address the Issue
"Share your own experiences if appropriate," she says. "Talk about ways your child may stop the perpetrators. Practice scenarios your child has experienced, going over exactly how they should handle them and when to seek an adult. When necessary, notify the school and allow them to assist to remedy the situation. If a child is exhibiting bullying behaviors, they should be taught more appropriate ways of dealing with others. The process will take time, so be patient."
For the child being bullied:"¢ Show your child how to stay calm and not react to the bully. Sometimes when a bully does not get a reaction, they will stop teasing."¢ Teach them to be assertive and answer with a comeback or just agree."¢ Provide a warm and positive environment in your home. Provide an atmosphere where your child may ask questions."¢ Open the lines of communication. Share with your child any experiences you have had or witnessed with bullying or teasing."¢ Recognize that bullying is never acceptable and show not be overlooked."¢ Be an advocate for an anti-bullying policy in your child's school if you do not have one already."¢ Talk with the school and the parents of the bully to formulate a plan to stop the behavior. Include the children in the planning.
For the bystander:"¢ Discuss complicity and talk about what should be done if your child witnesses bullying behaviors."¢ Encourage that they should not be passive bystanders but seek assistance from an adult.
For the bully:"¢ Try to avoid physical or harsh discipline. Children exposed to hostile behavior usually have poor problem-solving skills."¢ Be consistent with discipline."¢ Teach your child empathy for others. Share how you feel when they exhibit bullying behaviors."¢ When you feel you are unable to help your child change their behavior, seek the help of a child psychologist.
Every child will experience a few unhappy days, Kevorkian says, but when bad days seem outnumber the good, and behaviors and attitudes change, parents must be prepared to help their child open up and confront the bully.
"Reassure them that telling on others is sometimes difficult, but necessary," she says. "Not all bullying and teasing leads to a tragic end, but when dealing with our precious children there is no room for chance."
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