Newswise — With the start of the fall semester around the corner, parents of soon-to-be college freshmen across the country are beginning to prepare themselves mentally for the day their sons and daughters leave home.
While some fathers and mothers who have been through the experience say that it was a traumatic experience, it doesn't have to be, said Mark Thompson, director of Colgate University's Counseling & Psychological Services. "There are healthy ways for today's parents to stay connected with their kids, and maintain their distance — and sanity — at the same time," he said.
Thompson — himself the proud father of a college undergraduate — offered up his own advice for parents coping with their own separation anxiety:
Be realistic about frequency of contact. It may have been the norm for you and your child to talk constantly during high school, but all bets are off once that first semester begins, said Thompson. Answer e-mails and phone messages promptly, but don't push it; a constant stream of encouraging communiqués, though well-meaning, can sometimes actually hinder a student's personal development. "Ask yourself what your child ultimately wants to be. Independent? Self-reliant? Self-sufficient? You can help her be those things without calling her ten times a day."
Remember that the road will be bumpy. Many students go through bouts of homesickness after suffering a major setback at college, so keep in mind that you might only hear from your son or daughter at points of extreme distress, said Thompson. "Your gut will probably tell you to try and save him somehow, but you need to encourage him to solve his problems by himself. Real growth happens at these types of moments, though they may be heart-wrenching for you as a parent."
Educate yourself about your child's experience. When you're feeling particularly lonely for your son or daughter, take a minute and surf the website of the school's newspaper (Colgate's Maroon News, for example, can be found at http://www.maroon-news.com/), said Thompson. You'll feel better knowing what's happening on campus, and you'll have fodder for future conversations with your college student, he explained.
Do something productive. "For parents who are really struggling with the absence of a child, work at turning your negative energy into something positive," Thompson suggested. "Put together a care package or write a thoughtful letter. Your son or daughter will be happy with the gift, and you'll feel like a million bucks for doing something nice for your child."
Negotiate school breaks well ahead of time. It always pays to have something to look forward to, said Thompson, and knowing when a son or daughter will return for vacation and how long they'll be home — particularly for children of divorced parents — is no exception. "Work out a schedule with them beforehand, and actually mark off the days on the calendar," he said. "It will help the days pass faster."
Founded in 1819, Colgate University is a highly selective, residential, liberal arts college enrolling nearly 2,750 undergraduates. Situated on a rolling 515-acre campus in central New York State, Colgate University attracts motivated students with diverse backgrounds, interests and talents.
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