Newswise — The following "Five Questions for"¦" feature was produced by the American Psychological Association. Feel free to use it in its entirety or in part; we only request that you credit APA as the source. We also have other experts on this topic.
Five Questions for Mary Gresham, PhD
With the economy in freefall and people worried about their dwindling assets, clinical psychologist Mary Gresham says parents can turn the holidays into a non-materialistic, joyous celebration by working to change their " and their children's " buying habits.
During her 20 years in private practice, Gresham has worked with parents and children on such issues as coping with money losses, spending problems in the family, raising responsible children in wealthy families, overspending and compulsive shopping and understanding the effects of family history on money behaviors. She offers examples of how children can resist temptation, how families can provide alternatives to traditional store-bought gifts and why spending behavior is different among the generations. Gresham says money stress is just as beatable as other stresses.
Q. What is the best way to explain to your child/teen why you can't buy, say, that new Xbox 360 series? And how does a parent respond to the "all the kids are buying it" argument?
A. It isn't easy to get childen/teens to postpone wanting the latest new product with all the peer and societal pressures, but it can be done. And this year, all the kids might not be getting the new series. If "no" is responded to with a "why not?" talk to your children about resisting the urge to buy. Tell them that you can't always get what you want at that moment. Give them an example of what you had to wait for that you really wanted. Ask them for their input either about the gifts that you can afford or ways to change the celebration to make it less about "things." It really helps to decide these things together as there is more acceptance of a change when everyone has a chance to be heard.
Q. How do you help your child not feel somehow cheated? Are there alternatives that would satisfy everyone?
A. Families can set new rules on curbing their materialistic tendencies with a wide range of options. They can say "no presents." They can choose a family philanthropy project. They can draw names for gifts, limit spending amounts, exchange coupon gifts like "cleaning your room for you" or "cooking your favorite food" that can be cashed in throughout the year. This way, everyone is following the same plan and gets something they want. It might not be the new toy everyone is raving about but it can be personal and fulfilling.
Q. What can parents do to enlighten their kids about what marketers do to encourage buying and help them understand why it usually is not in their best interest to buy something as soon as it hits the market?
A. I think children/teens would respond differently if they knew what was going on behind the scenes. According to research on materialism (The High Price of Materialism, by Tim Kasser, and The Overspent American, by Juliet Schorr), adolescents tend to respond well to ideas related to rebelling against manipulations by large institutions. When the stop smoking campaigns began, an effective method was asking teens if they wanted to be tricked into an addiction that was designed primarily for corporate profits. Point out to your kids that advertisers try to make things sound better than they really are and that they purposely create insecurity to make a consumer want to own something. Also, show them how branding works to build corporate profits. Research shows that when the brands are removed, consumers cannot tell the difference between a $20 shirt and a $100 shirt. Teens can be very responsive to this kind of information and pick up the theme of not wanting to be tricked for someone else's benefit.
Q. Do you think there are differences in materialism across generations or certain age groups? How do tough economic times affect people's spending habits or "money personality?"
A. Yes, there are age-related differences in attitudes about consumerism and spending. It seems that the standards of what we cannot live without are constantly increasing. The standard has moved from comfort to luxury. It will take some intervention and goal-directed conversations to turn this around to valuing an inner life over a material life. Baby boomers went through an intense period of questioning about materialism and this tends to stick with us. I often hear that what we could use now is a good dose of "hippie culture" to question how we have sacrificed balance in our lives for things.
Q. Are money issues causing more stress in families now because of the current crashing markets? What do you recommend people do to maintain their psychological health?
A. This is a scary time even for those who are not in an immediate crisis. The basic tools of stress management work just as well on money stress as they do on other kinds of stress. Many people mistakenly believe that money stress can only be reduced by money itself.
Reducing one's overall anxiety level is helpful. Yoga, walking or a good hard swim are great stress reducers. The more you think about money and how not to lose more of it, the more anxious you will become and the less likely you'll be able to solve problems.
Further, letting stress run freely isn't good and will hurt your overall health. Don't try to escape your stress by passively watching television, overeating or drinking too much. This only makes things worse. Try to be patient with yourself. Understand that everyone now is dealing with financial setbacks and most parents have to say no to their children/teens for gifts this year. Take solace that the whole family is in this together and that many families across the country and globe are cutting back on spending.
RSS