Newswise — Busy holiday preparations, driving or flying to faraway places for family gatherings and spending time in close quarters with extended family can add up to a tension-filled holiday.
"Most people, regardless if they are family members or not, will begin having conflicts when they are with each other 24/7," says Patricia Daza, PhD, a psychologist with The Menninger Clinic's Hope Program. Dr. Daza offers the following tips to better enjoy the holidays with your family:
1. Plan ahead.Recognize stress and arguments will arise and put a game plan in place for how you will handle it. Dr. Daza suggests repeating coping self-statements to yourself (I am a good cook, good mother, good father, etc.), deep breathing and praising yourself for the work you are doing to make the day go well.
2. Be realistic about the time you spend together. Do you feel comfortable spending eight hours together or would you rather schedule dinner one night and meet up the next day to see a movie? "At times families are not aware of their limits with each other," Dr. Daza says. "They would rather avoid the meeting altogether rather than spend small amounts of quality time with each other."
3. Involve family in an activity.When in the presence of their family members, many persons revert to established roles in the family they have outgrown, which can cause tension. Activities such as playing a board game or going for a walk together allow an opportunity for cooperation and fun versus arguing or discussing problems in the relationships.
4. Consider staying in a hotel when visiting family.Staying in a hotel can give you some extra breathing room and is a good option if family members are visiting and you are pressed for space. To avoid hurt feelings, reassure family members that you still intend to spend time with them.
"It can also be helpful to talk to family members about hotels as a way to accommodate different family patterns," Dr. Daza says. "Some family members are 'early birds' and get up early to work out or shower. Others may want the quiet to sleep late. Also discuss how hotels add to the vacation experience, for example, the benefits of having someone make your bed, having breakfast in bed or taking advantage of the massage services at the hotel."
5. Treat yourself after the holidays. Make a plan for "me time" when you return home--such as attending a yoga class, getting a massage, seeing a movie or participating in other enjoyable activity. Having something to look forward to will make any tough times with your family a little easier.
The Menninger Clinic is an international specialty psychiatric center, providing treatment, research and education. Founded in 1925 in Kansas, Menninger relocated to Houston in 2003 and is affiliated with Baylor College of Medicine and The Methodist Hospital. For 17 consecutive years, Menninger has been named among the leading psychiatric hospitals in U.S. News & World Report's annual ranking of America's Best Hospitals.
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