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Elizabeth Fellows still has vivid and disturbing memories from her youth of graphic television coverage of the Vietnam War. "The evening news showed the attacks, the killings, the war taking place in front of me," says the mother of four, ages 13 to six. "I don't want my children exposed to that type of violence, day in and day out. They will know what's going on with the war in Iraq, with the war on terrorism, but I will not expose them to that kind of relentless coverage."
That's a smart decision, says Barbara Felt, M.D., a developmental behavioral pediatrician at the University of Michigan Health System. "Disturbing images like we see on news programs that run the same footage every 15 minutes can be disastrous for children," she says. "However, television and other media do have their place in helping our children deal with the larger issues taking place in the world and possibly in their own communities.
"It's useful when important events are taking place -- that we know our children will hear about in other contexts such as school -- to make sure they have accurate information," she says. Felt suggests parents may want to tape the news, preview it and use portions as a backdrop for family discussions.
In these uncertain times, Felt strongly urges parents to set aside time to come together as a family, to provide a place of support and structure. "Families in which members have been doing their own thing may want to rethink their priorities and make family time to discuss these issues," she says.
For parents of young children, maintaining daily routines will go a long way toward easing fears and giving a sense of security. Older children will be more acutely aware of potential dangers to themselves and their family members. "Asking what children and teens have heard, responding to their questions and clarifying misperceptions -- this is a very good place to start with children all ages," says Felt.
"I think about it a lot because, like, it's just scary," says nine-year-old Matthew Fellows, who has been having difficulty sleeping lately. "I want to stay closer to home because, well, I heard that on the news they said the terrorists are going to invade," he continues.
Sleeping and eating disturbances, hyperactivity, hyper-vigilance, difficultly concentrating, aggressiveness, anger and somatic complaints, such as headaches and stomachaches -- all are warnings signs that a child is distressed, explains Felt.
"The degree of disturbance varies depending on the age of the child and whether or not they have witnessed something directly." Felt says. "But even toddlers and infants can show disrupted feeding and eating patterns, which is likely related to the parents' anxiousness or changes in routine."
Developing a family preparedness plan is always recommended, but now more than ever officials are urging parents to do so. Felt believes planning is a good way to begin the process of discussion and communication. She says a plan shouldn't be seen as an anxious response to a terrible event but rather a judicious, thoughtful response to times when families may become separated.
Overall, the burden really is on parents to be calm, collected and thoughtful, Felt says. "If we show our anxiety, that will raise anxiety in our children; so thinking through priorities and what you want to discuss before you enter the discussion is really important," she continues.
"And if nothing else, we can always tell our children that we will be there for them, that we love them, and that we will do our best to keep things the same for them," she stresses.
"When I see stuff that's scary," says Matthew. "I'll go to my mom and dad because I know that they'll always have a solution to it and tell me if it's gonna be good or not."
Tips for parenting during times of war
-Try to remain calm and maintain daily routines.-Look for signs and symptoms of distress.-Make family time a priority and encourage open discussions.-Limit exposure to media and discuss what's seen or heard.-Develop a family preparedness plan and share it with each member.
For more information, visit the following web sites:
U-M Your Child: Talking to your kids about war and terrorismhttp://www.med.umich.edu/1libr/yourchild/terror.htm
Health Topics A to Z: The Anxious Childhttp://www.med.umich.edu/1libr/pa/pa_anxious_aac.htm
Department of Homeland Securityhttp://www.ready.gov
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