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Newswise — With the clock ticking down to the start of the school year, parents everywhere are scrambling.
Sure, they're getting their kids ready to go back to class. But the real scramble comes from signing them up for soccer teams and cheerleading squads, for music lessons and dance classes, for after-school tutoring and Scouting troops.
From birth through high school, it seems that American kids today have a full calendar every day of the week. And for families with two or more children, and parents who work outside the home, it can get pretty hectic trying to get everyone to the right place at the right time.
It's hectic for the parents. But what about the kids?
With all the hustle and bustle, parents may be missing signs from their kids that they're overwhelmed by so many activities, and feeling pressured or stressed to perform. And the entire family may be missing out on the chance to build togetherness, instead of focusing on building a child's list of accomplishments.
University of Michigan child psychologist Michelle Kees, Ph.D., says the last 15 years or so have seen an explosion in the number of activities available to kids of all ages, and in the pressure to get involved in as many as possible. Parents have gone along, because they want to help kids develop their talents, build new skills, and eventually succeed in getting into college or finding a rewarding job.
But there's such a thing as too much, and every child's 'too much' is different, says Kees, a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at the U-M Medical School who counsels families and children on anxiety, mood and behavior problems.
So how can you tell when your child is over-stressed because he or she is over-scheduled? The signs aren't much different from those seen in adults, Kees says.
"Children who are over-scheduled have a higher incidence of anxiety, especially performance anxiety and wondering how they're doing in a certain activity, or striving for perfection or overachievement. We often see that these children are showing some signs of depression, such as withdrawal from friends and family, and feeling badly about themselves when they don't quite measure up," she says.
"Being over-scheduled and over-stressed can also have an impact on a child's basic functions, things like sleep interruptions and changes in eating patterns," she adds. "We also see some children start to show signs like headaches, stomachaches, and not wanting to go to school or to participating in activities."
Kees is quick to note that non-school activities are great for children, helping them explore new talents and providing structure to their lives. But the key, she says, is moderation.
"Some activities, if kept in balance, are very beneficial for learning social skills, for learning a hobby, or developing a passion or an interest," she says. "On the other hand, if we over-schedule our children, we're limiting the time that they have available to learn who they are, to become who they're going to become, and to spend time with their friends and family."
Decades ago, she points out, children may have been just as busy — just not with the kinds of activities that today's kids have on their plates. Instead, their days may have been filled with farm chores and housework, caring for younger siblings, or helping to support the family by working.
Today's activities help children and teens learn time management as well as useful and enjoyable skills, she says. But time management is a skill they can learn later in life. "The cost of learning time management comes at a cost of less family time together, and more stress and pressure in racing around from activity to activity," she notes.
So what's the answer? Finding a balance that's right for you and your child or children, Kees says. "Review the activities that your children are doing, and evaluate the importance of them both for the short term and the long term," she recommends. "Ask yourself this question: How do I feel about my child participating in this activity? And if any part of your answer equals stress, worry or burden, that's a red flag that perhaps this isn't an activity that your child should be participating in right now."
Another red flag: if you feel your family never seems to spend time together, or enjoy that time together because it revolves around getting to the next activity.
Even as they sign their kids up for activity after activity, American adults may romanticize their own childhood days of lazy summer afternoons and wide-open weekends when all they did was play with friends and roam the local parks and neighborhood sidewalks. At the same time, they may want their child to have more opportunities than they did, or more chances to succeed later in life.
Indeed, Kees says, both are worthy goals — but "unstructured" time for kids is crucial.
"Kids need time when absolutely nothing is scheduled and children are left to their own devices, to their own imagination and creative play," she says. She notes that some of the children she sees at the U-M Child & Adolescent Psychiatry clinic say they "just don't get to have fun anymore."
Also, while making that fall schedule, don't forget to schedule some protected family time. "Researchers have shown that the more family time families spend together, such as meal time, the better children do academically, behaviorally and emotionally," says Kees. "And parents should find time for themselves as a couple, and as individuals."
Cutting back on fun activities after school and on weekends may be one thing, but what about academic activities and performance? In this competitive world, when college admissions standards are higher than ever, isn't it important for kids to achieve as much as possible beginning in middle school, so they have the best chance of getting into a good college or technical school?
Certainly, says Kees — but again, the key is balance and realistic expectations.
"We see middle school children who are already worrying if their grades are good enough for college, and teens entering high school whose primary focus is their college application," she says. "It's no longer about volunteering in order to make a difference, it's volunteering so that their college application looks different. It's no longer about taking achievement tests to show what you know, it's to show where you are in the class. And this emphasis certainly has to have an impact on children."
The drive to succeed should be in balance with a child's capabilities, Kees says. "We see some adolescents who are burning out. In the middle of their sophomore, junior or senior year, their interest in school dissipates, their focus and concentration and drive start to fade," she remarks. "We see average students who are pressured to achieve above and beyond what they're capable of, or where their best interest lies. And we see an impact on self-esteem and confidence, as well as things like anxiety and depression, starting to emerge in these children."
The teen years are a high-risk time for depression to strike for the first time, and while different kids have different levels of vulnerability to depression, intense stress is often seen as a trigger for it.
The bottom line, Kees says, is that parents should consider the impact on their child, and have open and honest conversations about why a child might be "slacking off" on activities or school.
For parents who become concerned about their child's or teen's behavior toward academics or withdrawal from activities, Kees and her colleagues recommend professional counseling. A therapist specializing in child and adolescent or family issues, or a clergy member or trusted adult family member, can often help families take a step back and look at what's happening.
Tips for parents on avoiding over-scheduling kids and teens:"¢Activities such as sports, arts, music, clubs and Girl or Boy Scouting can be great additions to a child's life, and provide enjoyment while developing skills and talents. The numbers of these activities available has increased in recent years, and experts have noticed an increased emphasis by parents on enrolling their children in multiple activities. "¢In addition to activities, child psychologists say, it's important for families to spend time together, and for children to be allowed to play and explore, without structured schedules."¢The definition of over-scheduling, and the stress that comes with it, varies from child to child. Typically, children who take part in one or two scheduled activities per day or several per week are considered to have heavy schedules. Parents should routinely assess whether a child's schedule is too much for the child, and ask what the child is getting out of an activity."¢Signs of stress that over-scheduled kids may exhibit include headaches and stomachaches, withdrawal or reluctance to take part in activities, and changes in sleep or eating patterns. Any sharp change or decline in behavior or schoolwork should prompt parents to seek help."¢Stress can be a "trigger" that sets off episodes of depression or anxiety in vulnerable children and teens; symptoms of depression include irritability, hopelessness, loss of pleasure in activities that a child once enjoyed, changes in sleep and appetite, reduced energy and social interactions, and a decline in performance at school.
Find out more on the web at:
U-M Health Topics A to Z: Understanding stresshttp://www.med.umich.edu/1libr/primry/life11.htm
U-M Depression Center: Depression in children and adolescentshttp://www.med.umich.edu/depression/caph.htm
KidsHealth.org: Is your child too busy?http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/positive/family/child_too_busy.html
KidsHealth.org: Childhood Stresshttp://www.kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/stress.html
BAM! (Centers for Disease Control Body and Mind site for pre-teens and teens): Stresshttp://www.bam.gov/survival/physical_signs.htm
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