CONTACT: Tonya Fischio
801-378-9759
[email protected]
HAPPILY EVER AFTER...WHAT EVERY COUPLE SHOULD KNOW
Research Identifies 25 Factors to Predict Marital Satisfaction
PROVO, Utah - With a wave of the wand and a dance in the night, Cinderella found herself in the arms of prince charming and they lived happily ever after... maybe. We missed the follow-up story, but according to 20 years of research the fantasy most likely got locked in the attic with the glass slippers.
While many enjoy their Cinderella moment as they are swept off their feet, they often find that marriage doesn't chase their problems away with the stepmother. Unresolved issues linger longer, much longer, than the echoing of the wedding bells.
In his new book, "Should We Stay Together?" Jeffry H. Larson, Ph.D. professor and chairman of the Family and Marriage Therapy Program at Brigham Young University, identifies 25 factors essential to evaluating a relationship and improving its chances for long-term success. His research is based on 60 years of social science research and more than 100 studies.
"It is so important for couples to take a comprehensive inventory of their relationship and address important issues before they marry," Larson said. "Many think that love is enough to overcome any obstacle, but history continues to repeat itself and prove this is simply not true. The time for change is before you say, 'I do.'"
Larson hopes this book will help lower the divorce rate by showing couples where they need to strengthen their relationship in order to withstand the inevitable stresses and strains of marriage. He believes the scientific predictors can help both individuals and couples be the right person, marry the right person and marry at the right time in their lives.
"Not every couple in love should get married," Larson said. "While the timing might be right for some, other couples simply need more time to mature, some have to work through specific issues and others should never be together."
To help couples assess their current relationship and determine whether they are prone to long-term success - or failure, Larson has created a three-dimensional model. The model contains 25 individual predictors organized into the following three dimensions: personal and relationship contexts, individual traits and couple traits.
"The model serves as a road map, guiding couples toward their final destination - a lasting, happy marriage," Larson said.
Following are the individual predictors of relationship liabilities (predict marital dissatisfaction) and assets (predict marital satisfaction):
Context
Liabilities: Marriage at a younger age, unhealthy family-of-origin experiences, parental divorce or chronic marital conflict, parental or friends' disapproval, pressure to marry, little education or career preparation.
Assets: Marriage at an older age, healthy family-of-origin experiences, happy parental marriage, parental and friends' approval, significant education and career preparation.
Individual Traits
Liabilities: High neurotic traits, anxiety, depression, impulsiveness, self-consciousness, vulnerability to stress, anger/hostility, dysfunctional beliefs.
Assets: High self-esteem, flexibility, assertiveness, sociability.
Couple Traits
Liabilities: Dissimilarity, short acquaintanceship, premarital sex (especially with multiple partners), premarital pregnancy, cohabitation, poor communication and conflict-resolution skills.
Assets: Similarity, long acquaintanceship, good communication skills, good conflict resolution skills/style.
In addition to the model, Larson has incorporated "RELATE," a relationship inventory questionnaire that assesses how a couple's assets and liabilities balance.
"Once a couple understands their strengths and weaknesses they can enrich those areas that will lead their relationship to long-term stability," Larson said. "However, there are those instances when the red lights indicate marriage at this time, or to this person may not be the wisest decision."
The end of the book addresses the issue of "Whom and When Not to Marry?" Here Larson provides examples of personality or behavior characteristics that are especially troublesome in a relationship. The characteristics may suggest more serious underlying problems that make these people difficult, if not dangerous to live with.
"These people have little insight into their problems and seldom change much even in therapy," Larson said. "That is why they are so important for you to recognize as poor marriage choices."
Types to avoid include one who is an anger addict, a possessor, a controller or an abuser. There are various red-light indicators provided in the chapter to help individuals identify such characteristics.
"Unless you have a lot of time and patience and a high level of commitment from your partner to change - with behavioral evidence to back it up - just avoid these kinds of people and situations. There are too many healthier people and situations out there to settle for one of these," Larson said.
He concludes, "With effort and commitment and caring, couples can find that 'happily ever after' after all. Just don't expect it to be easy."
Contact Information:
Jeffry H. Larson
(801)378-6529
Brigham Young University
264 TLRB
Provo, UT 84602
BYU Family Studies Center
The Brigham Young University Family Studies Center is dedicated to conducting quality family research and providing valuable information to families that will enhance their lives. The Center has the largest concentration of family research faculty in the nation and is eager to become a valuable resource for family related issues.
# # #
RSS