Newswise — Summer camp, with all its attendant bugs, s'mores and new friends, is a child's first step toward independence from parents.
It's also an important educational experience in getting along with peers, being responsible and working with others to achieve a common goal—traits children will need as they grow into adulthood.
But if you send them too early, it could be disastrous and maybe, you tell yourself, potentially damaging for life!
"Within early childhood, there are competing drives and needs of children. On the one hand, children are striving for independence and autonomy," says Dr. Michael Assel, Ph.D, associate professor and staff psychologist at The Children's Learning Institute at The University of Texas Medical School at Houston. "On the other hand, children also value the security that being with parents provides."
So while you may yearn (or not) for a few weeks of quiet, how do you know when your child is ready for their first overnight camp?
"If they have stayed over at friends' houses, that's a good indication," says Rabbi Matt Michaels, a faculty member of the Southwest Region of the Union for Reform Judaism, who spends part of every summer at the Union's camp in Bruceville, Texas. "If they express interest because of their peers' interest or because they have friends going to camp, it makes the transition much easier."
Parents such as Houstonian Gail Stalarow, mom to sons who are now 11 and 13, agree that a child's comfort with sleepovers and interest in attending camp are the two best determining factors.
"My oldest was 8, but my youngest was only 7 when he first went to camp," Stalarow says. "He really wanted to go because he had seen his brother go. He thought he wasn't scared and then he started talking about what if he couldn't fall asleep at night and I felt bad, but I knew he would be okay and he was. Now, they wouldn't give it up for anything."
Houston's Marta Fredricks, mother of 10-year-old Bess, sent her to camp last summer for the first time.
"Most parents in my peer group sent their children to camp earlier than I did," Fredricks says. "But you have to look at your child and Bess is an only child. I really researched it and found one that I liked that was out of state. It was ideal for my child to go there at age 10. If they go at the right time, as a parent you can tell yourself that this is hard, but this is healthy."
Assel says knowing your own child is critical. "Parents have to keep in mind that each child is different, even siblings within the same family. The way that parents discuss and decide on a camp experience can also play a big part in a child's willingness to leave the nest for a week or more."
"Until my third child went off to camp, I had no idea that grown-ups actually took baths for relaxation," says Houstonian Louise Parsley, humorist and author of Revelations in the Rearview Mirror: One Mother's Hard-Won and Hilarious Epiphanies on the Road to the Empty Nest (Bright Sky Press, 2009). "Parents need to experience a certain independence from their children as well. You might even reintroduce yourself to that person snoring next to you in bed."
But, often parents get mired in fear and, as Parsley writes in her book, "drown in a pool of worry—[even as] the camp bus is still in sight. Will they floss? Will she be 'Ideal Girl'? Will he change his underwear? The answer, of course, is 'No' " most won't even wear underwear."
Experts and parents agree that letting the child help decide which camp to attend is important. Many camps travel to large cities and hold open houses where they might pass out T-shirts or coupons for purchasing items at the camp store. This gives the child a sense of belonging before they ever arrive, Assel says.
"Someone from the camp we chose came down here and they told me that if Bess was on the fence about coming, don't send her, that they wanted her to want to come back. I knew then that they really cared about her experience and weren't just taking my money," Fredricks says.
And once they do arrive, don't make the same mistake that one mother made when her daughter, now grown, went to camp at age 9 for the first time.
"I thought she wanted letters about how much I missed her, so my first letter to her was all about how much I loved her and couldn't wait for her to get home. She wrote me back, pleading, 'Please mommy, don't send me a letter like that because it makes my heart hurt,' " that mom remembers.
Most camps limit communication to the written word, meaning letters or e-mails handed out at specific times. Many outright ban cell phones. For peace of mind, some camps may have a Web site where parents can keep up with daily activities and download photographs of their children.
Experts and parents say the first few days are the toughest when it comes to homesickness and adjustment, but soon after, children have a great time. They recommend a camp that is at least two weeks in duration to get them over the hump and into the fun. Some camps have a psychologist on site to help with any issues.
"Short stays at a camp sometimes backfire," Assel says. "Directors and long-time camp counselors recognize that many children who are initially homesick will get over their initial anxieties and have a blast during the second week of camp."
All agree that sending a child to camp can be a rewarding experience that will stay with them for a lifetime.
"As a single working mom, we didn't take long, interesting vacations so I used camp as a way for her to see a different part of the world in a safe environment while fostering her independence," Fredricks says. "It was such an empowering experience for her."
Michaels, (also a camp counselor in his youth) whose four children are now grown, says they can make lifelong friends. "I'm 56 and I still have good friends from camp. It can be a life-shaping experience," he says.
Assel agrees: "Where else can children run an obstacle course, ride horses and swing over a crystal clear lake on a rope swing all in one day?"
Parsley, 53, recalls wistfully her own camp memories—fireflies, overturned canoes, minor home sicknesses but yearly yearnings to return to her bunkmates. She writes, "Camp is not life, but it's a good foundation. Pressed between the pages of homesickness, independence and team spirit, life lessons stick like s'mores to the soul. Bears in the woods not withstanding, recalling the days of name tags in my clothes, pen in hand, I find my way home."
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