Grief and the Holidays Presentation in Rochester
ROCHESTER, MINN. --The upcoming winter holidays are traditionally times to gather together with family and friends, but it can be a painful reminder for those who have experienced the death of a loved one. A seminar on Monday, Nov. 13 in Rochester will address general issues of grief and identify specific issues of grief associated with the holidays.
Since holidays can be especially difficult for people who are grieving, the Mayo Hospice Program is sponsoring a community presentation about "Grief and the Holidays" from 7 to 8:30 p.m., at the Rochester Assembly of God Church, 4240 18th Ave. N.W., Rochester, MN. The presenters, Susan J. Zonnebelt-Smeenge, RN, Ed.D., and Robert De Vries, D.Min., Ph.D., are national experts on dealing with grief. The event is free and open to the public.
Zonnebelt-Smeenge and De Vries are authors of the book Getting To the Other Side of Grief: Overcoming the Loss of a Spouse. Their Rochester presentation on grief and the holidays is part of a series in recognition of November as National Hospice Month and in celebration of Mayo Hospice Program's 20th year of providing hospice services to local communities.
Zonnebelt-Smeenge is a staff psychologist at Pine Rest Mental Health Services in Grand Rapids, Mich. She is a licensed psychologist, certified social worker and registered nurse. She is a graduate of Aquinas College and Mercy Central School of Nursing in Grand Rapids and received her advanced degrees (Ed. D. and M.A.) in counseling psychology at Western Michigan University.
DeVries is a professor of church education and director of the master of arts programs at Calvin Theological Seminary in Grand Rapids, Mich. He is a graduate of Calvin College and Calvin Theological Seminary. His Ph.D. in adult education is from Michigan State University and his D. Min., in church administration is from McCormick Theological Seminary, Chicago. For more information call the Mayo Hospice Program at 507-284-1690.
Surviving the Holidays When Someone You Love Has Died
Accept All of Your Feelings
Tears, loneliness, sadness -- and even depression -- are natural reactions to the loss of a loved one. Holidays, birthdays and other special days can trigger a deep sense of loss long after you thought those feelings were gone. If you find you're able to enjoy some of the festivities, try not to feel as though you're somehow betraying your loved one. Accept yourself wherever you are.
Plan Ahead
Decide what you can handle comfortably and let your needs be known to family and friends. Do you want to talk about your loved one at gatherings? Can you handle preparing the holiday dinner as you have in previous years, or do you want someone to take over some of the responsibilities? Do you want to follow the traditional holiday routines, or do you want a change this year?
Don't Be Afraid to Make Changes
You may find that some of the holiday traditions are too emotionally painful this year. Consider making "new traditions" for yourself and your family this season. Some suggestions you might try: 1) open your gifts at a different time of day, 2) have dinner in another place, or use different china, 3) attend a different church for your holiday worship, 4) let children take over the tree decorating or the cookie making, 5) volunteer to help the needy for their holiday dinner. Opportunities are endless.
Honor Your Loved One
Hang a stocking, light a candle, or select an ornament in his or her memory. As the saying goes, "Death ends a life, but not a relationship."
Set Priorities
As a grieving person, please know that you may simply be unable to function at your usual pace. Divide tasks into smaller, more manageable steps, and share the work with your family and friends. Fatigue can lead to depression even under the best of circumstances. Learn to say "no thank you" when you are too tired, or when you know that the memories will be too painful. Listen to your heart and do those things that seem right for you.
Help Another Person in Need
Helping another can be a very effective way of healing after a loss. Contributing to someone else gets your attention off yourself. If you have the energy, there are many people who need you. Some possibilities include volunteering to be with older folks or children, helping in a hospital or a soup kitchen, or assisting a friend in need.
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