Newswise — It seems like just yesterday that you were dropping her off for the first day of kindergarten. Wasn't it just last month that you were watching him trying to recite his lines for the 6th grade play? Now it's time for college " and no more mom and dad to guide the way on a daily basis.
"I think most families really do anticipate the college move-in day with a variety of mixed feelings," said Tracy Scott, director of Student Development and Orientation (SDO) at Western Illinois University. "While parents are often excited about what the future brings, things won't be the same for them or their student. It's normal for families to experience mixed emotions during this time with a range of feelings from pride to anxiety to sadness."
Recognizing the changes ahead and knowing some helpful tips can make the transition easier for everyone involved, Scott said.
"We provide a variety of tips and suggestions to families during orientation sessions," he added. "We tell them to write to their student, even if he or she doesn't write back. With the advent of e-mail, it's easy to drop your student a line anytime."
While students are typically eager to experience their newfound independence, maintaining family ties and security is often still important, and they will check their mailboxes " and inboxes " regularly, Scott said.
Another suggestion provided by SDO is don't ask if your son or daughter is homesick.
Unless reminded, they will probably be able to escape the loneliness, frustration and homesickness typical of most new students as they get connected to the campus community.
"Along those same lines, we tell families not to be overly alarmed about emotional phone calls or letter. Often when troubles become too much for a student to handle, such as a test he or she flunked or a relationship that has soured, the only place to turn may be to write or call home," Scott explained. "After unloading troubles, students usually feel better. But we also stress to families that if problems are serious or out of character, resources for students are available on campus."
Planned " and Scott stressed "planned" " visits are also important to students. Visits by family members provide a break to the usual routine " and what college student doesn't like their parent to take him out to supper and shopping for supplies?
"Ask questions, but not too many. That's a hard one for parents. College students are trying to be independent and they may take questions as meddlesome or interfering. We tell families and students alike establish a communication plan that works for everyone before heading to college," he said.
A shocking part of the collegiate experience for some parents might be the changes they see in their student. Change is inevitable and natural, Scott said, and while it can be an inspirational, it can also be a challenge " such as that colorful butterfly tattoo that Susie felt compelled to get across her shoulder blades. Parents are urged to remain patient, flexible and understanding.
While most of the suggestions that are offered are common sense, the final " and most important tip " that SDO imparts on families is: TRUST YOUR STUDENT.
"Show your love and respect for your student. Sure, some of their decisions may be a little scary from time to time, but your support and trust will offer the encouragement they need to feel confident in making good, solid decisions on their own," Scott stressed. "Let them know you trust them and mean it."
As the parent of one student said: "Quietly offer your love and support. Always let her know that you are there for her to support her decisions."
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