Newswise — As parents watch their child walk through the door to kindergarten for the first time, the backpack almost dwarfing the little body, the moment is bittersweet.
It may also include tears, and that's normal, experts say.
"It is not taboo for your child to cry. It's a normal emotion. The first day of kindergarten for your child can be exiting and a little bit scary," said John Gasko, Ph.D., director of state initiatives at the Children's Learning Institute at The University of Texas Health Science Center at Houston.
So how do you know if your child is ready for this big step into kindergarten? Here are some clues to help ease parents' fears.
"¢ Is my child comfortable with letters and the sounds they make?
"¢ Are they familiar with books and can they pick out some of the words?
"¢ Can they say and recognize numbers one to 20 and distinguish shapes?
Gasko said it's very important for a parent to be engaged with the child's teacher. "From day one, make sure they know about any difficulty your child may have, the experience in a school setting to-date and your expectations. If time permits, attend the open house that most schools host before the school year begins," he said
"It's going to be a bigger adjustment for children who haven't been in a preschool setting," said Cathy Guttentag, Ph.D., a child psychologist at the Children's Learning Institute. "They may have worries as well as excitement, and no worry should be trivialized. It's a good idea to start talking to your child about the daily routine at kindergarten. For instance, 'The teacher will be there to help you and show you where everything is. You'll have a desk or tables to work at, and you'll have lunch time, playtime and rest time.' "
It's important to remember that every child will respond differently to this new change. "If your child cries, you can provide a few minutes of comfort and then help them connect with a teacher or other school staff member before you leave, so they aren't crying by themselves," Guttentag said. "Offer them some reassuring words that show your confidence that they will have a good day and can handle the challenge. Let them know when you will be back to pick them up, reminding them of what the last activity of the school day will be. If you don't know the school schedule, ask a teacher before you leave so that your child knows when to expect you or whoever will be picking them up."
Guttentag said it's also a good idea to drive by the school and show children where you will be dropping them off and picking them up, or where they will catch the bus. A quick trip to the school will allow your child see the playground and feel more comfortable that first day.
"You can talk about how the teacher will know it's everyone's first day. Tell them that the teacher knows children need help with things like finding the bathroom, and that the teacher will make sure children get to their families, the bus or an afterschool care program at the end of the day," said Guttentag. "You don't want a child to wonder if a parent will be able to find them. Providing this concrete information helps children feel more secure."
In the weeks before kindergarten, start asking your child about their concerns. "Many parents will talk about how exciting it is to go to kindergarten, and this is great, but we also need to recognize that there may be worries or losses for the child, mixed with the excitement. I have a child heading off to kindergarten this fall," Guttentag said. "My daughter thinks she would rather stay at the preschool she is familiar with, with teachers she knows and friends she already has. Parents should be open to children having a variety of feelings about this transition and encourage them to talk about all of those feelings, whether positive or negative."
Another idea, Guttentag said, is to use pretend play to help prepare children emotionally for this new experience. "You can make a game out of it. You can take turns with your child pretending to be the teacher and run through a day in the life of kindergarten. You can talk about riding the bus or mommy or daddy dropping you off, working on papers, having lunch, etc. Kids will do better if they have some sense of a routine. You can try it out two or three times in the weeks leading up to school," she said.
Guttentag also suggests reading books to your child that center on a character going to kindergarten for the first time. Here are some recommendations:
"¢ "The Kissing Hand" by Audrey Penn
"¢ "Miss Bindergarten" Gets Ready for Kindergarten by Joseph Slate
"¢ "Kindergarten Rocks!" by Katie Davis
"¢ "Franklin Goes to School" by Paulette Bourgeois
"¢ "The Berenstain Bears Go to School" by Jan and Stan Berenstain
The first few days or weeks of kindergarten will be a challenge for your child, experts say. "Kindergarten today is much more structured than 10 or even 15 years ago," Gasko said. "The demand on behavioral skills and maturity is much higher."
If your child has been medically diagnosed with a special need, make sure the school is aware. Guttentag said some examples of special needs are hearing and vision problems, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) or autism. "It's important to schedule an ARD (Admission Review and Dismissal) meeting with school staff as soon as possible. You want your child to be able to start the year off with a clear plan in place for how their needs will be met," Guttentag said.
At the end of that first day, give your child a big hug and congratulate her for making it through. This is a big milestone to celebrate! Ask your child how the day went and pay attention to body language.
"If you think your child is struggling, talk with the teacher and get help early. It's also important that children are enjoying school," Gasko said. "They should feel proud."
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