Newswise — The holidays aren’t always a time of cheer and joy for everyone -- especially for those dealing with the sudden loss of a loved one. Grief and bereavement expert, Dr. Camille Wortman, shares 9 expert tips for the bereaved on how to get through this holiday season.
1. Plan Ahead. Don’t allow the holidays to just happen. Try to use a Plan A/Plan B approach to the holidays. Plan A might involve spending the holidays with relatives; Plan B might mean having a simple dinner at home. Having a Plan B can be comforting even if you don’t use it.
2. Arrange a Family Meeting to discuss how you would like to spend the holiday season. Let everyone in your family have a say, even the children.
3. Consider Changing Your Routine. If you always prepared the family meal, you may want to consider having dinner with relatives or friends. Or you may want to leave town altogether.
4. Take Charge of Your Social Life. Although you may not feel like getting together with anyone, consider accepting a few invitations to be with close family or friends. Choose to be around people who make you feel comfortable and safe.
5. Scale Back. Because grief robs us of our emotional and physical energy, consider cutting back on such holiday tasks as sending cards, baking, decorating, or putting up a tree. Some of these activities may be painful to execute in light of the loss.
6. Be Gentle With Yourself. Accept that feelings of anguish are difficult to avoid during the holiday season. Do not expect too much of yourself, and recognize that you are doing the best you can.
7. Have an Exit Strategy. It is difficult for mourners to be around a lot of people. If they do go to a social gathering, they may not want to stay very long. This problem can be dealt with by developing an exit strategy in advance.
8. Honor Your Loved One’s Memory. Share your favorite stories about the deceased; light a candle in remembrance; make a donation in his/her name. You might also consider making a list of positive qualities that your loved one brought into the world.
9. Consider Attending a Support Group. At this time of year, it can be particularly useful to interact with people who have experienced a loss that is similar to yours. Such individuals are likely to understand exactly what you are going through. In many cases, members will also be able to share strategies for dealing with the challenges of the holidays.
Dr. Wortman is a Professor of Psychology at Stony Brook University in New York. Her research focuses on bereavement, with an emphasis on how people react to the sudden, traumatic death of a loved one. Her work has been featured in such national TV and print outlets.
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