Newswise — Ask any dad-to-be what he fears most about parenting and most will laugh and say, "Changing diapers." But behind the humor lurk real concerns and issues, like handling sleep deprivation, supporting your partner, soothing a crying baby and doing the "right" thing " sometimes all at once.
"I just hoped I would have the physical and emotion strength to handle those things," recalls Ivan Weiskott of Durham. He did, and now serves as an instructor in the Boot Camp for New Dads, a popular program offered by the Women's Health Information Center at the N.C. Women's Hospital at UNC Hospitals in Chapel Hill.
The program helps future fathers address their fears, ask questions, get advice and interact with new dads and their newborns.
It's nice to learn what other folks' experiences were, to be exposed to different attitudes and perspectives," says Durham's Dilip Barman, a recent graduate of the program. "Boot Camp helped me understand there are very few 'right' answers, and that 'your mileage may vary'."
With that in mind, here are five tips for first-time fathers:
1. Prepare for Emotions: Many mothers experience intense swings in mood, and some develop post-partum depression. "I suggest learning what could happen and how to recognize it and what's available to treat it," says Scott Reynolds, a Boot Camp graduate from Chapel Hill. He and his wife learned about the emotional issues in advance of delivery so they were prepared for any challenges that might arise.
2. Engage Fully. "Don't shy away from things that make you uncomfortable," Weiskott says. "Jump in fully and be present in the moment. Take advantage of bathing and changing diapers as great bonding opportunities. Use a baby carrier whenever possible -- walking around with your baby attached to your chest is probably the closest a man can get to the physical and emotional feeling of being pregnant."
3. Understand Crying: "Babies do cry -- it's part of their job description," Barman says. By paying attention to when and how your baby in bawling " and what soothes the situation " you can figure out what's going on. "Often she's just hungry or over-stimulated."
4. Stay Fit: There's really no secret to dealing with the sleep deprivation that comes with a new baby, according to Reynolds: "Eat healthy, try to exercise, and don't take on additional responsibilities outside of the home -- you won't have time for it." And nap when you can.
5. Keep Calm. With a dramatic changes to your life and routine, it can be hard to stay cool and collected. But that's the key to keeping your wife and your baby on an even keel. "Even if something is wrong, your mood and reaction reflects on [their] disposition. If you're freaking out it doesn't help achieve a positive outcome."
Ultimately, keep in mind that kids grow up fast so you want to savor these early moments. "No matter how tough things seem at a given time, be mindful that your baby won't be a baby for very long," Weiskott says. "Within two or three months, you might be looking back and laughing at your recent sleep deprivation, spit-up episodes, diaper blow-outs, etc."
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